Friday, January 07, 2005

W's new speechwriter: watch your back

Wall Street Journal editorial-page writer William McGurn has a new gig as head speechwriter.

I suppose this is a good move, in some respects, but I can't help but wonder if most of the job couldn't be outsourced (we know that's still going to be 'in' in '05 with this crew in charge) to a software program akin to Spell Check, one that would simply:

-Delete all "-ing" endings and replace with 'in (i.e. "fixin' all the taxin' you've been payin'") as part of the overarching Folks It Up program, designed to hide preppy estabilishment roots behind Stuff That Sounds Like Real People, Only Dumber
-Scan text and delete all words over two syllables
-Automatically fill in a predetermined number of 'hot' words such as freedom, values, Amurica, and Trial Lawyers
-Draw from archived historical speeches dating from the pre-suffrage, pre-Civil Rights Good Ol'Days.

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